Can You Wear a White Dress to a Gay Wedding
- It's never OK to wear white to another person's wedding.
- Call me traditional, but I believe this goes against the very fabric of society.
- Even if you don't believe in this tradition, your friend or relative might, so wear another color.
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In the past few years, wedding fashion rules have eased up quite a bit. Wedding parties are wearing Chuck Taylors, wedding dresses have evolved, and some wedding dress codes have majorly relaxed.
And while you may be thinking a white outfit is now OK to wear in these more casual times, I believe it's still never OK to wear white to someone else's wedding.
This controversy comes up again and again. There was the guest that was kicked out of a wedding for wearing a dress with white on it. And the guest who wore a full-length white dress to a friend's wedding. And who could forget the viral story about a bride's mother-in-law wearing an actual wedding dress to her wedding?
Call me traditional, but I think that there are few crueler, more passive-aggressive ways to upstage a person than by wearing an all-white outfit to a ceremony that is mostly symbolized by a big white dress (or, in the case of some couples, all-white suits, rompers, tuxes — you get the picture).
Wearing all-white to someone else's wedding isn't about the outfit. It's about the very fabric of our society.
There is grace and power embracing boundaries, in knowing when to be the cheering section for your two friends and family members who are locking each other down (with love!) for life. Wear something nice that's non-white, enjoy some free gin and tonics, and let the happy couple be the main event.
Don't get it twisted: I'm not backing the no-white rule as an ingenue who wants a pretty-princess, debutante-ball-on-steroids wedding experience of which she has dreamed her entire life.
I'm saying it as a cynical, pragmatic, 39-year-old never-married woman, who eschews blood diamonds, ridicules the wedding-industrial complex, and breaks out in hives at the idea of a "big day" that is "all about me."
I've attended around 35 weddings, but I've learned that for me at least, the idea of being responsible for a big event and being the event brings out the worst in me. I just know that, for me, a huge wedding would be my nightmare.
But you know who has always dreamed of a big day and pictured a large event with 100+ friends and family members? So many people I know and love — and so many you know and love. Many of those people may be offended or take it the wrong way if you wear all white, even if you don't intend for that to be the case. They want to be the only one wearing white so they can be the focus of the main event.
Wearing white isn't about what you want, but about letting your friend or relative be the center of attention
Even if you find a gorgeous getup that's not all white but is mostly white, save it for another event. If you need to take a moment and wonder, "Would this outfit confuse people and make it seem like I am one of the people getting married?" you have your answer: Don't wear it.
This is a monumental day in your friend's life — a day that he/she may only do once, or could do as many times as they'd like. Either way, let your friend be the center of attention and please slip into the proverbial backseat.
For the sake of my friends, for the sake of your friends, for the sake of society at large, I implore you: leave the all-white look to the lovely couple — or, in this modern era of funky, unexpected weddings, to no one at all.
Selena Coppock is a freelance writer for Insider, as well as a standup comedian, storyteller, and writer based in NYC. She is the creator of @NYTVows (Twitter and Instagram), her New York Times Wedding Section parody account where she lampoons The Grey Lady, the society set, and the wedding industrial complex.
This article was originally published in 2019.
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Source: https://www.insider.com/do-not-wear-white-to-another-persons-wedding-2019-8
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